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What Makes Motherhood So Hard?

Motherhood. Is. Hard. We know so, because we’re told. We see it every damn day plastered over social media, every Mother’s Day we hear that it’s the hardest job in the world BUT what exactly makes it so difficult? Quite frankly, I imagine brain surgeons (not that I know any) would likely complain less about the level of difficulty of their job. So why? What could possibly be so difficult you ask, when so many of the population do it and more importantly CHOOSE to do it. That’s right, we Mum’s willingly step into this role and then complain about how challenging it is...

If you’re currently childless and reading this, I know what you’re thinking, I was you. In fact, I would almost bet that you saw this heading, rolled your eyes, scoffed and decided to read it because you thought, how ridiculous, I’m going to absolutely tear this b*tch apart...(silently...behind my phone screen of course) if I’m feeling particularly nasty, I might do a #screenshotsend to my bestie and laugh at this nonsense. ‘here we go’ another mum about to tell me how difficult her life is spending her days at the park, watching tv, relaxing at home ALL day 🙄 I get it, I do! The trouble is, putting into words what makes motherhood so hard is not as simple as it would seem. I know because I asked friends, years ago, friends that became mums before me... I was the most terrible childless friend. My way of thinking went something a little like this; “Sooo... go on, tell me? What is it that’s SO hard about being a mum? I'm dying to know and no one has ever given me the answer. If I'm being honest, right now we’re all just sitting around smiling at the baby and it looks pretty relaxing if you ask me. Is it the sleepless nights? And getting up the next day? ‘Cause I feel you, I had a huge night last Friday, I didn’t sleep and had to work at 8am. Sooo we’re basically the same level tired if you know what I mean? I’ve also successfully raised a dog, so I get the whole ‘needy’ thing, there were a lot of trips in the night out to the bathroom and sometimes she’d cry so I’d pat her back to sleep, so I can definitely relate. At this point I can’t help but feel perhaps you’ve confused boredom for difficulty? You know, because you’re stuck at home ALL day, that's it.. You’re just feeling a little bored... and you make yourself feel better by telling yourself it’s hard. You've heard other mums describe it as hard, but is HARD really the right word?” 😳 ...I know, I was the WORST!!

I was also one of those annoying people that liked to offer parenting advice, even though I wasn’t a parent, I just knew... you know? ‘I’ll be making every meal from scratch’ I’d say, ‘my children will absolutely NOT have a tantrum in the supermarket, we will still eat at fancy restaurants because my children WILL know how to behave.’ I know, if I could go back in time and slap my childless self, I would. The fact is, no one has yet been able to give me the answer I was searching for and here I am almost 5 years into the motherhood gig and only now do I get why it’s so HARD and even HARDER to put into words... the thing is, it’s not one thing; it’s not JUST the sleepless nights, it’s not JUST crying, the endless laundry, the tantrums, the poo explosions, the throw up on all your clothes, it’s not JUST preparing meals, setting routines, implementing discipline methods or sleep training. It’s not JUST the toilet training, the teaching, the cleaning, the negotiating, the time outs, the cuts & bruises, the fighting, the sickness. It’s not JUST the pulling and tugging and being at someone’s beckon call 24/7 it’s not JUST the fact you can’t use the shower or toilet alone.... IT’S OVERWHELMING AND IT'S RELENTLESS. From the moment that tiny baby is born, every single night, day, hour, minute your brain is working overtime, never in your life have you had to put someone’s needs so far above your own. Never have you had to think, overthink and think some more about someone other than yourself someone’s whose entire safety, comfort and SURVIVAL (no big deal, right?) is dependent on YOU. And not just for a day, or a few months...for YEARS. Night and day 24/7 for years you are the sole and primary carer to ensure their needs are met and not just met, It’s expected that you go above and beyond and you want to, because you love them more than you love yourself but that level of love is a big emotion and with big emotions comes exhaustion. You’re tired, you’re stressed, you have put this tiny beings life above your own and you’re feeling a little lost. You’re no longer the person you were reading that stupid Mummy blog and laughing with your friend. You’re now her, the mum and you finally get it. It’s overwhelming, it’s exhaustion beyond comprehension, it’s frustrating and at times you miss your old life, you come to accept that, that life is far behind you and for the REST of your life, someone else will always be a priority to you and you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You look at your tiny beings and through the exhaustion, the dirty clothes, the messy hair and additional weight you now carry and you smile, you know for sure without a doubt...it’s the hardest job in the world the one job that is more important to you than anything you've ever done the one thing you absolutely CANNOT get wrong and you’ll keep on, every night and every day for as long as they need you because there’s nothing even remarkably close or as rewarding as being a Mum.


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