HG IS NOT MORNING SICKNESS. THIS IS THE HORRIFIC REALITY

My eyes are closed but I see the light start to flicker between the blinds, the sensitivity to light alone is enough to send my body violently buckled over the side of the bed as a dry heave, and vomit bile with blood. I’m 7 weeks 3 days pregnant and every day is significantly worse than the last. My eyes are blood shot from exhaustion, I can’t sleep. My body is weak and frail, I can’t eat. My lips are cracked and bleeding, I’m severely dehydrated. I desperately crave a sip of water but I know even a sip will be enough to send me into a vomiting rage again and right now I need to focus on just breathing. I’m hunched, awkwardly leant over in bed, holding my head because the headaches from the dehydration are so severe I could throw up again. I feel my husband gently touch my arm, “Here’s your medicine.” I’m taking chemotherapy strength anti-nausea tablets along with sleeping tablets. It’s unknown the harm they may do to the baby, but neither of us will survive without it. I cringe as I let the tablet touch my tongue as the taste of it alone has been enough to send my into a dry heaving fit. My husband helps me to sit up, he lifts my arm and slides my work shirt on, gently, slowly he dresses me for work, head to toe. He brushes my hair and he walks me to the bathroom to attempt to brush my teeth. I can’t stomach breakfast so he walks me down to my car, buckles me in and places my bucket in between my legs. I drive to work, pulling over twice to be sick before finally surviving the 20min drive to work. I glance at myself in the mirror, I look awful, only a couple of people at work know. I put on a brave face, but there is no disguising I’m clearly very unwell. I place my bag to the ground and slouch low and comfortably into my chair. I take phone calls, I slowly enter data, fast movements will make me spew at the desk. I made my way to the bathroom countless times to be sick throughout the day. I take my lunch break in my car and sit with my bucket, eyes closed hoping to manage some rest. It’s 5pm, I’ve survived another day. I drive home, bucket between my legs. My husband is there to greet me at my car and helps me inside. There’s a warm bath run, pillows, blankets, heat packs, and a very small bowl of soup. My husband helps me undress as I take my bath, in the dark, it hurts to stand up right in the shower. He helps me out and on to the lounge, desperately trying to get me to manage some soup, I gag as I have a few mouthfuls and push it away. I lay down, and don’t move until we make our way to bed the nights are no better, the sleeping pills make me drowsy but I can’t sleep, I dry heave all through the night. And then I wake up and do it all again for 5 months. Some days are so bad I literally can’t get out of bed, I call in sick. My husband is at work and I need to use the bathroom. I can’t walk, I slide out of the bed and crawl on my hands and knees, I make it to the bathroom but I’m so exhausted I lay down, the cool touch of the tile on my cheek is comforting so I don’t move. I lay there, as I feel my body convulsing and I vomit on the floor, it’s in my hair on my arms but I don’t move, I can’t. I lay still just listening to the sound of my breath. Eventually I manage to pull myself up to the basin and gently rinse my hair with the water on my hands. I crawl back to bed, crying, I honestly believe I’m going to die. I had my phone in my hand and googled the dreaded word ‘termination’ I couldn’t go on, I called Luke in tears and said I can’t do this. He encouraged me but understood the severity of it, so he said he would support me with any decision I made. I didn’t terminate, my beautiful daughter is now almost 5 years old. BUT EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW... Hyperemesis gravidarum is NO JOKE!! It is not morning sickness, it’s a debilitating condition that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy and I had it considerably easier than a lot of women. A close friend of mine had HG TWICE FOR 9 MONTHS STRAIGHT. Not a single day she didn’t throw up, countless trips to hospital on drips to manage the severe dehydration. Weight loss Agony Depression Exhaustion Guilt Terrifying Weak Life threatening These are words I would use to describe HG. I still experience nightmares about it and could cry at the very thought of it. To this day...I’ve never experienced anything more challenging in my life. So, if someone you know is experiencing HG. Please understand, we’ve tried it ALL before, the crackers, the ginger, the lavender, the mint. We’re taking CHEMO grade anti nausea medication and it barely takes the edge off. NOTHING helps and while I know you’re only helping, it hurts them to hear these things - they don’t have the strength to explain how severe it is, and feel that you think they’re being a little precious. I had HG IN 2/3 pregnancies, my 3rd is what I would describe as morning sickness, I threw up a few times a day, but I was still able to stomach some meals, I drank water and had the odd craving. I was able to walk and care for my two children relatively comfortably, aside from them pushing the toilet lid on my head when I did throw up. So please, if you know someone who is suffering with HG...Offer your support, offer to help with the washing, the cleaning, the older children. We need it and we’ll be forever grateful. X