I Call Bullshit on For Better or Worse.
You’re stood in your stunning gown, butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounds, your palms sweat, you’ve waited years for this very moment. There’s a tear in your eye and then you confidently speak the words.... “For better or worse. ‘Til death do us part” and you WHOLEHEARTEDLY mean them. BUT, what happens when you’re actually faced with the ‘worst’ and you’re not prepared to accept it? I can hear my mother and grandparents chanting in unity holding pitchforks, “you made a commitment, you stick it out” here’s the thing. I don’t believe you NEED to stick it out. The shock horror, I know, I’m evil, the spawn of satan sent to sabotage human kind or at the very least the institution of marriage... a typical millennial with no concept of the hard work it takes to make a marriage work but hear me out. In every relationship, boundaries are set. Some spoken, some unspoken but they’re VERY well known. When a partner crosses those boundaries, be it once or time and time again the other is left with a choice. Do I accept this behaviour and move forward or has it compromised my morals, beliefs, trust and I don’t believe I can get past this? Why is it expected they MUST ‘work through it’ because they made a commitment? Guess who else made a commitment? That partner, the one crossing these boundaries, disrespecting their significant other knowing they’re protected by a piece of paper, some words shared & the pressure from friends, family and society to ‘make it work’ What about the children, you ask? Yes, I agree, break ups are difficult for children, but so is having them witness an unhealthy, unhappy, toxic marriage and teaching them that instead of standing up for what they’re prepared to accept, they’re to suck it up and cop behaviour they don’t deem acceptable from a spouse? Our grandparents spent their entire lives together, because they were madly in love their entire relationship? Because no mistakes were made? Because they were genuinely happy? Possibly, or was it that their status was based on their relationship and family life. That sweeping mistakes under the carpet and experiencing more heartache than love to save face was easier than leaving? Oooh I can hear the feathers I’ve ruffled from here, don’t get me wrong... I don’t believe every relationship is doomed. I do believe that some relationships have genuinely faced tough obstacles but have always had enough strength, LOVE and commitment to work through it. I do believe couples could be in love for their entire relationship and could make it work forever. I hope my husband and I will be that couple, but that’s not what this is about. I’m talking couples so damaged, so hurt, so unhappy that being in the same room together causes more tension than a Kardashian/Jenner Christmas dinner. The couples that wake up miserable, that look at each other and feel nothing but resentment, the couples that live in fear of violence or constant infidelity, checking phones, checking pockets, always the couples that are genuinely unhappy no reason, just NOT HAPPY! The couples on edge, always prepared to find the worse, the couples experiencing the life shattering reality of addiction, the couples that may not be able to honestly and completely overcome their obstacle and in that instance I call BULLSHIT on ‘for better or worse’ If happiness is the end game...the goal and in most cases I’d assume it would be. I don’t believe ‘for better or for worse’ is the only option. If you can’t look at your marriage, smile and know deep down the good times outweigh the bad, that you feel safe, you trust your partner, and most importantly, you feel GENUINELY happy and WANT to be with them, then no I don’t believe ‘TIL death do us part’ is what we should be striving for. After all, death is inevitable and when you’re at the pointy end of your life, reflecting, reminiscing....will staying in an unhappy marriage be an achievement or a life regret?
